


For Instance

by StrawberrieShortcake



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Mischief, Sad Ending, Slice of Life, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:22:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28871529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberrieShortcake/pseuds/StrawberrieShortcake
Summary: Take for Instance you,Take for Instance me,Take for instance the word Instantly.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd
Kudos: 12





	For Instance

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much a Shane Koyczan's 'For Instance's fic. It's a beautiful poem that makes me cry everytime, most of his works, other inspire, most do both. I highly recommend listening to For Instance, among the rest of his work.  
> This is first of anything I've written and finished in a lot time, and it may not be perfect but I wrote it. And sometimes that's enough.

Life is made up of pieces, jumping from _instant_ to _instant_ ; the middle parts connecting those instances are often forgotten, but sometimes they can be just as, if not more, important than the big parts. Gigi often wrote the middle parts down in a journal to remember on the days she needed them most. She's been having a lot of those days as of late.

Crystal used to drag her around town, getting them into trouble every other minute. Like the time she had the brilliant idea to throw a chocolate bar into a hotel swimming pool. Then pointed at it and yelled-

" **SHIT!"**

She said it was something she saw in a movie. To no surprise, everyone was out of that pool _instantly._ All the pair could do was giggle amongst the havoc and accept their lifetime ban like a badge of honor. 

Gigi was supposed to be the voice of reasoning within the pair, to balance them out like she often was with her other friends. Crystal brought something out of her that she wasn't aware was there to begin with, for better or worse she didn't know.

Less than ten minutes later, they were on their way to a motel half-way across town. Where Gigi watched with furrowed brows as Crystal attempted to seduce a single mother from out of town. Despite her best efforts, the woman stood her up. Crystal just shrugged and brought Gigi out to dinner instead saying that, " _There's nothing that old crone can give me, that I wouldn't rather have from you"_

Gigi loved nothing more than the makeshift nights with her Crystal. The nights where they were on top of the world. Spending dusk to dawn like millionaires, needing to go bankrupt by sunrise but not yet worried about that. The night would often end with them watching the sunset from the rusty swing set in the semi-abandoned park,their fingers clasped together.

The return home in the late afternoon, came with her parents interrogating her after having searched her room. She'd never tell the truth no matter what.

"That is not my weed, I'm holding it for a friend-" could've been Gigi's catchphrase.

Crystal could've been whenever she claimed that _"A heart cannot break, it can only bend,"_ whenever Gigi came to her in tears after yet another rejection.

Gigi could barely remember when the word _'instant'_ was used to describe mash potatoes, or coffee. But somehow they used it to sum up her life, and how she died _instantly_. As if telling her this would comfort her, comfort her in knowing she was dead. Knowing her Crystal was dead.

There were no teary goodbyes, or any last words, she was just gone like that. Like some deadbeat dad who went out for some cigarettes and never came back. But Crystal was a different kind of gone all together. 

Gone like the innocence of childhood when one woke up with their molar still under their pillow. Gone as in young lovers still believing in 'love at first sight' and forever. Gone as in never coming back.

Gone as in Gigi can't even bring herself to go onto her old street anymore, she was gone like that.

They said she died _instantly._ They said it as if she did everyone a favour, like she has the grace to not linger like a tragedy in motion. 

No slow death for everyone to deal with, it was said as if it was a relief. Like that's what she would have wanted.

There are machines that pump life into people who much rather just go, and Gigi knew this wasn't something Crystal would want. 

And Gigi didn't claim to know Crystal better than most, but she was pretty sure she'd rather be alive right now. 

Alive like the night they broke into the old observatory. Camping under the artificial stars with a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. 

After a pair of empty hands, Crystal fell into nostalgia. Listing from memory the top 20 girls she wanted to kiss but never did. Almost in one breath,she listed number 20 through 2, she hesitated at number one. As if it was to soon be removed from the list. 

Crystal never told Gigi who held that number one spot, but she had a pretty good idea of who did the next morning when her chest was stained with the colour of Crystal's red lips.

They were alive that night, watching the pitch black drip into twilight, then fade into sunlight. In moments of silence, Crystal would close her eyes and recite quotes that stuck with her.

_'If my father is ever proud of me. It will mean in that some small measure I have lived better than him'_

Sometimes they would make up their own, giggling at what words their brains jumbled together and spat out a sentence. They never made sense, they were really high. And for once, there was no because to the why. 

Gigi found out more about Crystal during hose nights more than any other. Both in a confessional retelling their sins, as if they weren't there to witness those moments. 

Crystal explained more her feelings and thought process about the situation then the situation itself, where Gigi did the opposite. Those confessions showed the failures of youth, only to now show the beauty of old age.

Gigi sees the beauty of growing old now, she more often than not felt the guilt of having that privilege.

She looks back on her life, knowing that each page cannot be re-written, only re-read. Not editing their screw-ups, and best believe there was a lot. They were never perfect, and were only barely amazing.

Her Crystal lived life _instant-to-instant_ , Gigi still struggled to do so, decades after the night they first met. 

Crystal stumbled, wiping the rain from her brow like sweat after a long marathon and scoffed, "It's not raining, I think it's just the weather trying to look busy" 

Then and there they agreed that whoever invented the umbrella, was a giant pussy. 

Gigi received a voicemail three days later from a bedridden Crystal with only this to say- "Maybe he was just wise" 

Gigi's heart was bending. She constantly rereads the book of her Crystal's life expecting a next chapter but it always comes up blank. She believes that if she un-expects Crystal's death enough that it'll make it come true. But deep down she knows better, she knows.

The first time Crystal invited Gigi to her house, she showed her a rock sitting next to her bed on a pink satin pillow. She said she found it in a junkyard, claiming that

"It's a star!"

And that's it's been broken down for some time now, because too many people wished upon it and that's too much pressure for one little star.

Gigi keeps the star close to her chest on days like this, only adding to the pressure with her endless wishes. An endless wish, a single wish repeating endlessly.

At the funeral, all the friends Gigi never met looked at her as if to say-

"You're the lover"

And so what? Gigi only knew Crystal as well as Crystal knew her. 

When she was told she was gone, Gigi missed her Crystal. _Instantly_.


End file.
